While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye
surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.
"Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery
yesterday," she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure
you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,"
he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was
cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your
cataract operation was a success."

Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived
babies)

\"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...

isn\'t she adorable?\"

Friend: \"But your kid didn\'t smile.\"

Father: \"I was talking about the nurse.\"

An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so
advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in
another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can
take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have
him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so
advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it
in another and have them both looking for work in two
weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We are
about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White
House and half the country will be looking for work the next
day."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his
office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a
very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my
instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each
morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all
times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner
prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him
with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will
only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most
importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do
this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband
will regain his health completely." On the way home, the
husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He
said you're going to die," she replied.

"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred
dollars for pulling your boy''s tooth."

"Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you
charged only twenty dollars for such work!"

"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so
terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the
office."